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Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Spleeps.





I've finally come to terms with the reason, the REAL reason, I like the tiny Mexican morsels so much.





I've always liked chihuahuas, and if som'one asked me WHY, I'd give these reasons, generally.




Little poops.



Cheap to feed.




Portable.



Can pick up and run away with them if you're attacked by birds/hobos/zombies (falls into portable, turns out portable has many advantages)





Single coated.





Plentiful (see; free/cheap)





Pointeees for earses.




Come in many colors/patterns/sizes/energy levels (thank you backyard breeders!/sarcasm)





If you look at these reasons, they are based in logic. Except pointy ears, which only seems to make sense to me. Well I discovered the other reason. The linch pin. For why myself and the tiny mexicans get along so well.





Sleeping. They LOVE sleeping.







I don't sleep any more or less than the average person. Eight hours + or - an hour. Occasionally + or - three hours if alcohol is involved, but my sleep is very important to me. I need it, and I don't like it cut short or interupted.






Emma and Kiwi. The resident non-chihuahuas. Have the standard dog ideals when it comes to sleeping humans. Like most other dogs they believe...






If I'm awake, you should be too!





You moved, that means you're getting up!





You breathed different, that means your getting up!




OMG when you get up, it will be the BESTEST thing EVER!





I shall dance in your face in anticipation.







This is the standard dog thought process. Of course, there are also the accelerated-awakening methods they employ. These generally involve staring at you. Breathing on you heavily (usually used in conjunction with staring), walking on you, and making noise. Or in the case of the pit bull, putting your head behind the curtains, then walking, which floods the hibernaculum with sunlight.






Kiwi actually learned that shaking her head will wake me up. First using her collar. So we began to remove collars at night. Then she learned that if she shakes her head hard enough, the sound of her pig ears, flesh-slapping against her big head works just as well. A lesser owner would have cropped them off, but I've settled for earplugs.





The chihuahuas, on the other hand, are completely happy to sleep as long as you want too. 12hours after drinking all night? Sure! Stay up all night on the Internet and get 4 hours sleep, that works too. You stop moving, I stop moving. Perfect.





There is a downside to this however. Mexidogs need recharging frequently, so they must dock with their charging station. Which is, of course, human flesh. Its like a twisted zombie energy draining ritual. A chihuahua cannot sleep without being in/on/under a human.











thus, things like this ensue










Imagine three of these paperweights on you at once. In the middle of summer. I awoke last night about three in the morning about to have a heat stroke. I was completely sopping wet in sweat, stuck to the couch, not sure where I was delirious. The one sheet I was using was also sopping wet, and yet I was rendered immobile by three, very hot dogs, all Gulliver's travels style. It was very unnerving.




Why can't the chihuahuas take their siesta without smothering me to death???? I'm beginning to wonder if this isn't the real way that Che Guevara died. He was known to be in cohorts with the spicy ones. Maybe he owed them, and they ordered a hit.







We may never know....



















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