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Saturday, March 5, 2011
I have been manic lately. Massively manic
Not in a good, clean the house, paint the ceiling sort of way. More of a recycle the bottle caps, tempted to root through the neighbors trash kinda way.
I've known the sky to be falling for a while now, but the combo of dolphin eating footage, that dude skinning the golden retriever, and the large amounts of people I run into with far to many children finally got to me. If I could have had a seizure, I would have, pant crapping and all.
I am not the depressive type, quite the opposite, I have pep talked myself out of som' heavy shit. Even if I was crying uncontrollably. But it all finally got to me, my brain went into death mode, and why are we here, and nothing you do matters etc etc.. even as I was thinking these things, I was totally aware my brain was slitting its own wrists.
I am currently out of my funk, but like everything, I have learned from it. I overdid it. Much like an athlete pulls a muscle, I am an intellectual that overloaded and pulled my empthany tendon. Resulting in an accute case of emphadepresalitis.
I read once, that empthay was kinda like a floodgate, once you open it, stand back, or else your sneakers are going to be more than a little wet. This is held true for me, as I have in the last five years yo-yo'd from not giving a damn about anyone but me and my fuzzy minions (and kevin) to caring about every goddamn thing in this world, crying at not just aspca commercials, but at infomercials and everyday things, like som' crazy pregnant woman.
So now I sit in a zen state, partway between my "I only care about me" autistic brain and the over the top "feed the world, save the whales" overly emotional brain. I find, that this is the state that I get the most done, and feel the best doing it.
stay sane everyone, you can't save the world alone :)