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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Suggestions to HFA people who hate life. Stop it.

I'll start by saying this will offend people. I feel it has to be said though. If you don't like it, don't read it, but if you don't like it, it probably is referring to you.

I'm growing increasingly frustrated with the "woe is me" attitude of many people online with Aspergers aka HFA. They seem to blame every little thing on it and are just the biggest mopes I've ever seen. I find this very frustrating and defeatist.

You don't see forums full of amputees whining about how much their lives suck because normal people don't understand blah blah blah. Are you seriously going to tell me your life is WORSE than a guy who had two arms blown off in Afghanistan? Seriously?

I'm going to make a suggestion to these people; Your life would still suck if you DID NOT have HFA. Your life view would exist even if you were neurotypical. Because how much you enjoy life has nothing to do with your "disability" :::eye roll:::. You suffer from the "grass is greener" affect, and if you could take your traits away tomorrow, you'd still be a mope. You'd find som'thing else to beat yourself up about, because thats part of your personality with isn't linked to your HFA. Just like you meet kids with Down that are happy with life and those that aren't, or whatever "insert problem here" you want to use. It applies across the board.

I remember first learning I had HFA and learning about it online. I came across a statement that it was a "learning disability" and laughed so hard I nearly fell out of my chair. I've always been a "gifted" student and am a savant in several areas. I have ZERO issue "learning" anything and I certainly can apply things I've learned, perhaps better than "normal" people. I score very high on the aspie quiz and have all the classic (female) traits. If anything I learn to much and want to devour all information on subjects. Not just book wise but hands on, making me an expert in several areas.People come to me for advice on a regular basis..

I understand the condition manifests in many ways. But how the fuck is it a LEARNING DISABILITY when I, and many of the other fully functional aspies I meet learn and apply things just peachy keen?? You can't call it that across the board if its not that across the board. Thats like saying Diabetes causes blood sugar issues, yet you can have diabetes and you never have blood sugar issues, your levels are fine, all on their own.... In fact your blood is "gifted" and functions better than other people. :::head desk:::

I'm going to make a suggestion here again. Your HFA is not making you "dumb". You would have performed crappy if you were a neurotypical. Lots of neurotypicals do poorly in school. They aren't saying its because they have a "Being normal disability". Their just not academic, or their destined to shit out kids and collect welfare. Its been proven repeatedly that doing well in school has alot to do with things out of the kids control. Like homelife, diet, who they are exposed too, quality of school and teachers. ETC. This is why you can move a kid to another town and they do good in school or they fall apart. Enviroment affects performance and telling a kid they are "disabled" does them no service.

Another suggestion. STOP TELLING YOUR KIDS THEY ARE BROKEN. This makes me sick. Its been proven numerous times that kids will be what you tell them they are. You tell a class full of A students that they are D students, next semester, guess what? They genuinely get Ds... Here's the important part...The kids who got Ds were told they are A students and next report card they genuinely got As. Tell your kid their fucked up and they will be fucked up. Tell them they are gifted and talented or welll behaved or XYZ and you will get that. Had I been told as a 6 year old I was disabled in the head my life would have fallen apart. . I would have turned out waaay different. I would have felt stupid and useless Stop telling your kid they are stupid and useless. Unless they need serious intervention, they don't need a diagnosis or to be told.

Force yourself to interact with people and stop caring so much what unimportant people think about you. Caring so much is whats making you so nervous which is making you think your being weird which makes your weirdness obvious which causes you to fail which makes you beat yourself up. Stop caring about it so much...

I'll leave on one piece of advice as the others are rants/suggestions. Remove the toxic people in your life. No matter who they are. Those you can't remove, distance yourself. If I look back on all the hard parts of my life, I don't blame HFA, I can see clearly that I was behaving and reacting in response to the others around me, and when toxic people are removed (or toxic behaviors stifled) I was fine. This is true for anyone no matter their wiring... So start to look at the other parts of the equation. Its not just YOU. My mother was a complete toad to me and my childhood issues can allll be traced back to her treatment (or non treatment) of me. If your a parent of a HFA child, take an honest step back, because yes your child is difficult, but your response to it is affecting behavior.

I train people and animals. They are constantly doing things they don't see that is making their animal do XYZ "wrong". I see this with parents and children ALL THE TIME also. You are not parent of the year, very few are. You can give these kids to good parents and behavior will change like a snap of the finger just like I can take an unruly dog and get the behavior I want out of it. All without force. You can't force it.

These are just a few of my peeves. But I'll leave it here for now. Good day.

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