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Thursday, February 9, 2012

The brainiac has pooped his pants.

All my life I've had motivation issues. Well, I guess its only an issue if its a problem, and problems are of course, subjective.

I remember being labelled by my parents early on as "lazy" and "sleeping too much". I could go to bed at 8 and stay there until 1pm the next day (which rarely happened because this wasn't allowed to happen). I tired very quickly at physical tasks; lifting, hiking, raking leaves, etc etc.

I now know, that I was under tremendous stress as a child, mentally, due to many factors. I spent most of my childhood in complete terror of other people and children. I spent it in complete terror of being forced to interact with people I wasn't comfortable with. I spent alot of time in tears. Alot of time. Then there was the stress of being told it was "on purpose" or to "just stop". Two things that don't really help or work.

I spent my entire childhood and the first part of my adult life (skip this paragraph if you don't like TMI) shitting my brains out two to five times a day with stress induced IBS. If your not familiar with IBS, the stress response of your body causes the colon to contract violently and quickly. This causes intense pain. Whats even more shitty about it (pun intended) is the body is also more SENSITIVE to pain during these episodes because of compounds your body releases during stress response. So not only are you running to the bathroom, your not just in pain, but your in agony. This is debilitating pain that wakes you up at 6 am. and I wish it on no one. This was a near daily occurrence for me for about 20 years until I figured out ways to control it.

I just find it interesting that chronic dehydration was never fingered by my parents as why I was always exhasted, even after I had to go to the hospital for it, but I digress.

Anyway, back to sleeping and lazying around. Well, firstly, its found, that zoo animals, once all their calorie needs are met, do the same thing. So much of our behavior is probably programed around getting your daily bread. In a western world, not so much an issue.

I don't think that is my "problem" though. I've always liked the saying "penny for your thoughts" which sounds a little cliche. So instead I simply ask whats on peoples minds, or what are they thinking, when there isn't a direct task being had. (where what being thought is obvious)

I've been quite shocked when I get a "nothing" reply. Not in a dismissive or a "I don't want to answer" way, but in a genuine way. The tv is off and there isn't even a radio in the background.

These are not stupid people, they just don't think all the time. This was hard for me to grasp, and I thought my leg was being pulled, until I found it true in multiple people. For me, the tv is always on, the radio is on in the same room, and perhaps a book is open.

My mind never shuts up. Not in a schitzoid way, like annoying voices, but in a contemplative way. I'm thinking. All the damn time.

They say that the brain is an expensive organ energy wise. They claim chess grand masters use up to 7000 calories in an hour. When you teach an animal a new task they want to sleep for two extra hours that night.

I wont make any outrageous claims. But I will say this. I'm tired, I'm 125lbs, and I consume alot of damn calories yet can't put weight on to save my life.

Perhaps I've stumbled on the newest and greatest "get thin quick" recipe.

anyway, like I said, problems are all subjective.

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